-

I've been contemplating, on what to write. I've got alot on my mind, to which i don't really have contingency plans for.
To keep myself "busy", i've hit on the refresh button on my fB account countless times, read some of your blogs for the nth time, searched for a picture of M's present over the internet but to no avail, drank lots of beverages, watched a movie, watered the plants, opened the fridge countless times, and the list goes on. Everything but laying down on bed.
I can't remember when was the last time i felt really happy, when i felt whole. As i write, i'm listening to To Tango Tis Nefelis by Xaris Aleksiou. I hope i do not end up tearing. Well, lets start.

I had a chat over an overpriced cup of coffee this evening with my best friend. To make matters worst, the conversation ended up with me feeling a hint of regret that i left the Board. Maybe i was too rash (to not even stay on for a month more to receive my mid year bonus!)
Contrary to what some have commented, i like my current workplace very much. I do not know how long more i have left, but this place has taught me alot, over and above what i could have learnt in my 3 years in dental school.
I've been visiting some seemingly atas dental clinic websites, and have found none comparable to the advancement in acquired technology. I've never been an information technology geek, but i have to strongly agree that with advancement of science, research, technology and development, a more comprehensive experience can be brought for the patient.
This place has taught me the foundation of practicing in the healthcare industry; ethics. Clinical aspects aside, i'd like to acknowledge the kindness and love the dental assistants have shown to me. Words cannot describe the smile they can put on my face.

Ok what should i write next? I don't know.

Congratulations

Hello,
I'd like to congratulate my best friend, M, on embarking on a journey of new opportunities and responsibilities.
He has served his last day at a major event, together with a great team of countless others, who wishes him well in his new vocation.
Cheers to great success my friend.

-

I do think i lead a highly stressful life, by choice.

Timetable for the next semester at school is out; intensive class from Mon to Thurs for 3 weeks in July, followed by night class on Mon Tues and Thurs in End July and August, and Mon Tues and Sat in September.
Seriously, what the fuck is SIM doing?
What's stressing me out is my work schedule.
Crossing my fingers and hoping all turns out well.

So you see, Months 12 01 06 07 i fret over work and school timetable.
Months 03 05 08 10 i fret over tests/examinations.
That leaves me with 02 04 09 stewing; be it for test/exam preparations.
Thankfully, 11, my birthday month, gives me some breathing space.
To top it all off, the whole time i'll be working; treating patients, reading, watching CE videos, thinking bout ways to bring change and improvement. All in an attempt to keep myself updated with the latest treatment techniques.
Nobody except myself know if I'm giving my best at work.

And then there's school fees to pay for. Sigh.

My dear friends, if you're taking a degree with SIM, i highly advise you to stay on with the Board. At least there's 18+4days leave, school kiao-karholi days. Plus everything is routine, isn't it great?!
Or, make SIM's erratic timetable known to your prospective employer and join a clinic as a part timer.

Kel, thanks for making the trip down last night. Its great to see you and Ric! There wasn't enough bitch time. Else i might break down into tears, whenever i think bout work+school!

Recently, there have been an influx of pediatric patients who had traumatic falls previously. The first was a terror; the parent more so, compared to the kid. Thank god boss was around, he took over.
I felt so incompetent, i teared in the pantry, with a laugh, as i confided in the nurses!
On hindsight, i should have taken an OPG instead of a PA. That'd save me from managing gag tendencies and unnecessary exp.
And i think i have an issue with putting my point across, in a way that is easy to understand. My guess is, i have a serious lack of knowledge on management of traumatic injuries to primary dentition. And when i am not quite sure of cause and effect, i can't present systematically. Content wise, i did tell the parent what boss told. But he was way better in listing them out, and answered their concerns to the point.
Case presentation requires great understanding on subject matter, practice and learning from others.
I still feel very incompetent, but am thankful for guidance that has been offered to me at my workplace.
I need to master taking anterior peri apicals, esp for children, placing rubber dams and building pretty composite restorations!

The other resident doc has gained tremendous respect for her fussy quality of work! I've seen her full case presentation once, and i'm secretly hoping for more chances. good ah she.

Hell Yeah!

-

I think i should learn and be a selfish person. Anyway, they don't appreciate it, so i see no point in doing something for them? I was referring to my brother and my mother.
To cut the long story short, i was at The cr0cs sale. I know these ethylene vinyl acetate footwear spells comfort but is way too pricey at its original retail price. This event has thus made way to my TopPriority list for the weekend.
I got mum 2 pairs of footwear-athens and juneau. She gave the green light (via mms) for this before i made purchase.
When she came back, she commented that she doesn't like it and prefers this design instead.
I got so furious i walked out.
And my brother? He likes the pair i chose for M. No, i'm not making a swop cause M has an identical one! Then he blamed me for making a lousy decision. What fuck? I didn't even have to get anything for him! He said he'll wear it, that's all.

I'm asking for more than a thankyou. I'm asking to be appreciated for 1) making the trip down (and back) to the Far Eastern part of Sg (thank god M sent me there before heading to work) 2) waiting for almost an hour alone in the q. 3) spending my off day squeezing my way around with thousands of people 4) looking out for the Juneau from others who were letting it go cause they have big feet. 5) waiting for another half hour for payment 6) wasting mms.
I'm not going to spend on them anymore. I always got them apparels when i went overseas, or if i see something nice (and reasonably priced) while shopping, but have never, ever, heard a word of thanks.
Or maybe i just don't know what they like. Afterall, we've never been close. What i got them were simple clothes that jack and jill would wear up and down the hill.
Sigh. I spent monies, and i don't feel happy. I should only spend on myself. And maybe my sister.
Oh, she likes the flipflops!
And cause i don't feel appreciated, all i want is my money back. At least i'll feel better, i think.
If this is what life has taught me, too bad if family love turns out like this.

-

Dear all,
i have a love hate relationship with shopping, especially on weekdays-the shop gets too spacious, i feel too comfortable. And another love hate relationship with taking taxis-the erp i have to pay on a weekday noon on an empty road, just to get to town.
I spend spend spend, like there's no tomorrow.
Just the other day, i bought myself a pair of pants and a pink collared shirt. And on the very same day, i took a cab, only consolation being it wasn't midnight yet.
And i thought, that should be it.
Today, i cabbed, again. It was raining.
And i bought myself makeup. The essentials, eye brow pencil and foundation. The foundation was a whopping $14+$58. 14 for an empty case and 58 for foundation with spf15. Yes, M.@.C again. I tried B.br0wn and it my skin peeled worst than a shedding snake. Well, most of the time i was shopping for M, and he's got new shorts for the upcoming dive trip and a little present for a new job!
All these things money can buy. It doesnt make me happy, strange. It breaks my heart when the cashier swipes my card, when i sign on the evil dotted line, when i have to smile and thank the person who assisted in my evil doings.

And food. Oh my. Expensive dining. Too many.
Friday-KennyR0gers. We had a quart chicken each and shared 4 side dishes. Black pepper and herbs on the chicken skin was too good to skip. I ate them all.
Sunday-Shin0bu Dining. Its hard to describe great thick slices of raw fish when chomped.
Monday-CrystaIJadeK!tchen. Simple lunch with friends, $14. goodness gracious.

I love M so much. I never knew i could love and care like this again.
All i know is, Money cant buy M.

Its tuesday, the start of my work week.

I've not been feeling very happy the past few weeks, even after exams were over.
I don't know what can make me happy, worst, i don't know why i'm feeling lousy.
Maybe work hasn't been too positive. I'd love to see change, but in what? There have been changes these few months, and i'm really clueless what's next.
Maybe i haven't put in much effort for the recent examinations.
Maybe i've not listened enough dental talks, maybe i've not been reading enough.
Maybe life is just a routine.

Everyone's going on a holiday. To Europe, to Australia. I'm just looking forward to the dive trip in June. I hope i enjoy myself buckets. Please let no one step on my tail.
I'm becoming a much grouchier person of late.
I miss the old self.

post exam post

Hello everybody, thanks for the patient wait. I've (just) finished my last paper; and that marks the end of my first year in varsity. Yes, how time flies. Soon'd be the end of my 'bond' and some of you would join me in celebrations, while the rest of you have 365more days to go-complain not, you got more ka-ching than us!

Exams are finally over and i wish i could say i did my utmost best. I can't live in denial anymore, thinking that the numerous number of leave i applied were spent fruitfully. Truth is, i slept or idled most of it away, did last minute revisions, tried to cram everything into my puny brain, to no avail. I don't exactly regret my decision to fall into Slumberland-the z spells were too overwhelming. What i've learnt from this semester is to start 'reveision' really early, and keep reading the same thing over and over again for the entire semester. I guess this is what adults call consistent studying. Sighs i don't know what my grades would be. Shouldn't be anything near spectacular, but should be able to scrape through.. Or maybe it won't be that bad? I'll let you know in June. In any case, it's over and there's no way i'm gonna spend $4k repeating the entire semester. So i shall put a full-stop to this post exam hoo ha. . Oh wait. I forgot to mention how dull and lifeless my skin has became due to an excessive intake of caffeine and trans fats, lack of fluids, exfoliation and moisturiser.

Now there're a thousand and one things on my to do list, here're some on priority.
Look for 2 Taurus' present.
Eradicate rubbish, top up tissue box and its misc items from my room.
Meet up with pockets of friends.
Get on the exercise and eat healthy mode.
Start going for dance practices.
Gardening.

Bloom time

I've been wanting to get a pot of plant for my room. Darling decided to take me for dinner, and accompanied me to the nursery. After (walking) many rounds, i decided on a mini-dendrobium housed in the shell of a huge snail. (yeah you're right, i do the weirdest, most random things)



I find staring at this therapeutic.
The next time i feel depressed, please stop me from shopping. Instead, bring me to the nursery.
Its petals are white, but if you look closely enough, there's a hint of pink, purple and a dash of shimmer. No i'm not joking. shimmering under the scrutiny of jovellaru (that's how someone calls me!) and her desk lamp.
I can't wait for the rest of the buds to flower, and a ton of questions regarding what how where when why.

I just keep wondering.. "Like a kid, who never stop feeling and seeing and being excited with great things.."
I don't want to get too engaged in life, running here and there up and down, without stopping to appreciate and marvel the wonders that mother nature has left for us.

Some friends been really lucky underwater! They saw tresher, whale & nurse sharks, pod of (at least 5) dolphins, and one even got engaged! I'm setting high hopes for the trip in june; it might be my one dive trip in 2009. Hoping to see and capture magnificent marine life aside, i hope the food, accomodation and company would all tie in perfecto.

Sis was saying that researchers couldn't count days beyond 2011, as something destructive is gonna happen to the solar system. My simple mind thinks that if motherearth and sun are gonna be affected, we're all gonna d-i-e, die. So if that's gonna happen, i had better love all and live life to the fullest, counting from now.

Awhile back, i was so into coffee flavoured ice-cream. Now, my new love is green tea ice-cream! Not exactly a good way to pile up on anti-oxidants, but definately consuming less sugar is good!

I can't wait to get exams over and done with. I want to clear my bursting closet of undersized shirts and spruce up m's place and replace his fake greens with lil pots of leafy low-maintainence plants!
But i'm far from being prepared for exams. Blame myself for lazing too much, not concentrating enough and starting way too late.
And this hot April? We're all to blame. Wasting, dumping, air-conditioning, etc. Earth hour can only do just that much. Lets bring earth hour into our everyday lives, by going green, use less plastic bags, switch off our electricals when they are not in use and turn off our scientific/financial calculators when we're on the net.

I'm reluctant to turn in, though i'll be having a long day tomorrow (10am-9pm). I can't sleep cause by the time i wake, it's one day closer to exam. I'm gonna try and cover a lil more before hunger pangs and fatigue takeover.

Good night Earthlings.

-

1) i'm so sick of hitting on the 'reset safari' button, cause the !ras website doesn't allow me to re-login after being redirected! All the bull-shit convenience on efiling-wasted 2.5hours of my night and i'm not anywhere near done.

2) i had a whole piece of snow-fish for dinner and feel like puking it all out now. all i want now is a cup of refreshing but teeth eroding lemonade.

3) it's exactly 2 weeks to the start of exams and i've not touched a single module.

4) i'm so sick of treating patients. all they do is make a hell lot of noise to the poor receptionist. parents who keep thinking filling has dropped. they think it's damn fucking easy to treat a 3year old who has spikes on the butt and an inquisitive tongue. worst, fine if you don't want to take the xray, but don't question me if there's really nothing wrong with the tooth. what fuck. i didn't pay nuts for school fees so stop coming for un-neccessaries. and many others; don't complain of pain/sensitivity when you declined local anaesthesia. okay.

5) thoughts of adopting a dog (puppy to be exact) has been on my mind for several weeks now. buying one is definitely out of the question. there're so many 4-legged(s) waiting for a new home. but i look at my schedule and my moo-lah; sighs. better not let another suffer with me.

6) on a more positive note, theboyfriend and i spent some time last evening stuffing our faces with japanese desserts at newly revamped sembawangshoppingcentre. after dinner, we headed to ministryoffood for a sinful concoction of 1) green-tea gelato and rice dumplings drowning in a shallow bowl of utterly sweet red bean paste, and 2) warm inside, crisp outside mochi surrounded by peanut 'shavings' (this time of the night is making me stupid and lost for words) and red bean paste. Of which i totally said yucks to the latter and mypoorboy had to finish up this over-rated dish. oh did i forget to mention-a whole cup of hazelnut ice blended all to myself right before dinner time. teeheehee.

7) i wish life was full of rainbows, butterflies, cupcakes, posies, ribbons, balloons and all things happy. we go to work cause we're bored stiff at home. we take long walks with our loved ones, and go for runs with a dog, dive and travel around the world. fine. if i still feel goddamnlousy when i wake tomorrow, i'll get myself some flowers.
ok maybe i should go easy on the pocket. just one sunflower. or a bunch of roses, maybe 7. we'll see.

wouldn't it be nice.

Updates

Hi folks, it's been awhile.

I'm finally done with tests, reports submission, and some dental courses. March has been hectic, somewhat.
And when M&i finally went for shopping over the weekend, we (actually, only him la) got a great shock.

To cut the long story short, we popped by a renowned french jeweller/watchmaker, followed by a boutique named after an italian shoe designer, and he got disturbed(now that's an understatement) that he might not be able to meet my expectations.
Well, thing is, i do admit my love for luxury goods and think there's nothing wrong with being materialistic, so long as it's within my means and no one is hurt in the process of obtaining it; think: robbery. (Even my best friend's boy can't comprehend!) Because these things are valued at a hefty price tag, i ain't got any of them. I'd love to close the previous sentence with a 'yet', as i always do with tangible things i really want. But thing is, by the time i lay my hands on them, my marital status might be different. If so, some discussion and consideration needs to be taken as we now live as one.

That very Saturday, i finally purchased a hair straightener, after much research on the www.

Lil sis became my first guinea pig.

After work, there was this strange evil force pulling me into the watchery, more like witchery, really.
It was love at first sight. Tested my luck and haggled for a 20% off. Heng i tried, cause it could have been even cheaper from retail shops outside!

Sibei chio right, charcoal & rose gold-coloured strap, i love!

She Bites!

I'm generally a really nice person, but i admit i have a hint of a fighter cock spirit in me.
Boils down to my upbringing, from going to places on my own as a lil girl to standing up for someone else who was molested in the train.

Anyway,
my sis and i were at a fast food joint this evening, settled our barang barang and headed for the counter to place our orders. All the time, i was looking out for my bag when i saw a man (who was with a s. u. s. fc. woman) place a tray of used paper plate, bones, sauces and all other disgusting used things on 'our' table.
I was furious; Took the drink from the counter and headed back.
To my horrid dismay, the tray had a rough landing and spilled all its liquid contents onto the table and chair.
At first, i was relieved our belongings were spared.
Then i thought to myself, the reason for coming back was to confront them for placing a tray on what seemed like an occupied table.

I mean,
when a bag is placed, any human in a right state of mind can infer that the seat is occupied. Even the helpers at a hawker centre knows small items like tissue and umbrella indicated that the table is chopped. That m.f. happily placed the tray on our table. So they need a clean table and others don't? What logic, you tell me. No wonder the man is a lil over sized. And to make matters (of being fat) worst, he was clad in an evenly horizontally stripped polo tee that hugged his blabber all over.

The only chance i had was to tell her, 'i think it's not right of you to place a tray on this table, cause it is obvious this seat is occupied.'

She went, 'i'm getting the man to clean up the mess (of spilled coke)'. (Read: her dysfunctional cognitive ability)

I don't know why but i cooled down and said 'thank you' to the poor fellow who had to clear the mess. And this juncture, my sis came back with our dinner.

And when they were done with 'unloading' their dinner onto the table, they placed an empty tray on the same seat; right in front of my sister. I didn't know until moments later; it was too late and inappropriate to confront them again. I rested my case.

Throughout the dinner, i was telling Ellice what i was angry about and how brainlessly inconsiderate these people are. I'm not biased but i think they are Filipinos.
Maybe i should forgive her, she just might be a domestic worker out with her lover. Or a dentist who can't make enough money back home and venturing out in this sunny island as a dental assistant. Who knows. Maybe they should ground themselves to LuckyPIaza.
To hell with these idiots.

Looking back, i wished someoneelse was with us. I think she/he'd really stand up for us and give them a piece of our mind.
These people need a good tongue lash and many disgusted stares from members of the public before they learn.
They're bullying two lil girls. Hmpf!

Now i feel a lil better. :)

p.s.: I was watching ConfessionsOfAShopaholic and was thinking bout bracelets, teddies and flowers the whole time. Haha! How ironic!

Mar.riage

I'm so tired (and getting hungry too) yet i refuse to shut down my lap top and retire for the day. Don't know why. I wish the chilly night would never, ever, end. I don't like going to work anymore. I'm so discouraged at my lack of knowledge and abilities, sometimes i wish i'd just die. d.i.e. Okay maybe not so serious, lah. Sometimes i wish i sat in an office from 9-5 and do the same thing over and over and over again.
My sister just finished (another) episode of night time grinding. And i'm wondering if i'll grind or talk in my sleep again. The last i was told, i said, 'hannah hannah, do already lah.'
No it's not funny. I think i'm like a time bomb. I can keep going and going and going, until..

I need a good break. So what constitutes 'a good break'? A blue sky holiday? I doubt. After all enjoyment, the harsh reality of life makes me fall deeper into this black black hole. Holidays are deceiving. They make you taste the good of life, then when reality strikes, you're hit even harder.

So.. if i go back and read the above paragraph, where i had just started penning down my thoughts, the answer is simple. Go get the education i need.

I'll talk to you bout the weddings i attended last weekend okay? My neck and shoulders are aching and i think i really need a good nights' rest.

Missing my happy pill.

Continued.
Thought i should give this post its due glory.

Hope the married couples stay in loveful bliss and health, always.

I cannot bring myself to go on bout this wedding issue anymore. Another time, perhaps.
I'm so distracted with other thoughts, find out why in the next post!

Junk

Pledge to go fur-free at PETA.org.

My lap top slipped off the car seat during a sudden break on CTE. Then i realised. I'm very afraid of loosing memories of my life captured in pixels and my library of songs. Not much, 11GB of photos and 19GB of songs. "So many photos meh?" Beats me; that's what the program says.

Being the karang-guni i really am, i've decided to manually back up all my photographs, and delete some. I came across photos of some of you who i have/had bad vibes. Initially, i was contemplating to whether to trash it or not. Then i thought, 'hey, the only use i'll have of these is for your orb!..'. And i don't like to be mean. So i deleted them.
Then again, who am i to say whether i friend or don't friend you?
So don't get too personal. It's just me.

Then compiling backups for songs.

Clearing out the closet; for real this time. Cause i'll probably never ever return to them ever again. I was petite.

Maybe all i need is an external hard-disk.

Misses

Hello everybody. It's Friday the 13th. And it's raining.

I've been thinking bout a few of you, really. I've been longing for the longest time to catch up with you folks over a cup of cheap kopi. Or just while the day away drifting in and out of bed, catching outdated movies on rented dvd, etc.

I can't wait for the upcoming week to pass. Then I'll have a lil breathing space. And it'll be exam preparations.
One year of studies would pass me by.
2 more to go.

The only event i'm looking forward to is the trip to Sipadan (Malaysia only la) in end of June. It's a lil incentive for hanging on for the past 6 months, and when i return, it's back to school which should be starting in July.
Then the worry of working on night sessions clashing into night class would start all over again. 4 more cycles.
Just how long more can i go on for.
We'll see.

Now i'm feeling apologetic for all i have written. It should have been bout how much i miss the good o' days with you guys, laughing, taking photos, ogling at boys and talking funny things.
There's gotta be somewhere else for me to nag bout life.

My dream job is to be a paramedic. I want to help people. I like the challenge of making a difference, when every second is crucial to a person's life. I like the feeling of making swift accurate decisions. But I'm not heading that way; it's too far fetched. Maybe i'll be a tooth-fairy-without-borders. Maybe i'll pursue my innermost dreams when i no longer have to worry bout being able to feed myself.
Maybe i'll just leave the face of this earth before i even get anywhere.

Maybe it's here where i nag, everyone listens and nobody answers.

Simple Pleasures

MY AI REN JUST CALLED FROM BRUNEI AND I'M SO F.KING HAPPY!

Love is.. when you want the best for someone else, even at the expense of yourself.

-

Dear friends,
i've been tearing alot of late. Worrying about school and monetary issues. Vitamin M aside. I hate reports and group projects. I can coop myself up in a room with lecture notes, study guides and tutorial questions, go for a test and i'd do just fine.
I can't really take stress, and i find crying therapeutic.
All episodes, my best friend has been there for me.
He knows that i need no answers nor advices, a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on would do me just fine.
And i'm thankful for that.
He wipes my tears, tickles me and tells me too many funny things.
Doesn't show one bit of displeasure when he was sending me to school, i refused to attend class (cause i was really down) and decided to grab a cuppa oldtownwhitekopi before heading back home.
Laughs at me when i accidentally sat on a tomato that was strategically placed (i always sit there and kiao kar!) on the table top.
And so much more that he's done for me.
I couldn't thank god enough.

I saw a partial rainbow. The day i skipped school.

Anyways, i'm getting 'obsessed' with attending dental talks now. I feel there's so so so so so much to listen, learn and eventually, impart.
Can you believe it? I was sad and wallowed in self pity the entire day cause i was 'rejected' for a tooth whitening update lecture.
I wish i started this obsession a long long time ago.
I'll be attending some |\|DC courses alone; hope i make some friends.

Another Memoir

"Good night Ruth, ... I miss how we used to talk about anything under the sky. I don't like how we've changed and nothing's constant. Given a chance, i'll do anything to keep our friendship flame alive. I love you, my friend. I hope you'll try to be happy with whatever you're doing now. I keep up with your blog entries and i think sometimes life is harsh. But we have to prevent ourselves from sinking into depression. Our goals might seem far and bleak. But have faith that you WILL reach there eventually. ... I've always think you're a mentally tough girl. You've shown me how you triumphed tough times again and again. This, i admire you. For i can never be you. Hang in there, my best friend."

I miss you too, my friend. Our friendship flame will always be alive. I can't imagine a time when we'd bicker and cat fight cause we're always on consensus and watching each others' back. Thanks for that short and sweet catch up at Kovan. Tired you and i were from work, but you came down (waited for me-again). I'm quite happy working at where i am now, at least each time i look back, i see progress, be it clinically, educationally or relationshipally. But well o well, vitamin M is just not enough, considering that i took the leap of faith (or was it stupidity) and broke my bond. Graduation from school really is far and bleak. I don't even know if i can go on for 4 more semesters of night class, tests, reports and exams. But then again, i look back at how much i've paid (i know i'm studying for wrong reasons, haha!), grit my teeth cross my fingers and hope for the best. No one sees me when i'm at my wits end, tearing in fear of this and that. Thank you for sending this sms. I've kept it in my phone, and now here. I'll whip this out during my difficult times and be comforted that you're there and still cares. I hope everything good and sweet happens to you, your family and your boyfriend. You can do whatever you aspire to. It's all in the mind.
As for me, all i have is my family (sis essentially), my man and a handful of friends.

Can't Sleep

Good Morning Starshine.
My weekends are finally here, and you greet me with silence.

It's not that i choose to while the night away doing literally nothing. I wish i can fall asleep; i can and i would if i had work the next day. Part of me hope tomorrow never comes; i've been worrying about a forex-report that i've yet to lay my hands on. It's a group work but none of us have given positive inputs, including myself. Not to mention 4 upcoming tests. I like to put stress on myself. It lets me know that i've got something to do, and when test is over, i'd feel double joy. Self deception? Yes.
I can't wait for March to end; it'll be the end of mini scale tests and reports submission, and the start of exam preparations. Get this school term over and done with, up my clinical sessions during the mid year peak and take a short break in end June.

YAY! SunnyCove is organising a trip to SIPADAN on 26th to 30th June! I. Can't. Wait!

Work today has, o well, been good. 2 patients asked about my role as an OHT and were impressed at the changing level of care, while it has became our standard of care and are finding ways to further improve.
The oral region is so complicated, not to mention the human body. I've still got a million ton to read and read. I need more knowledge on trauma in children, and a whole lot more on current practices in periodontology. I wish i was still a dental student; we were entitled to ask stupid questions.

I've been trying to cut down on carbohydrates and meat, been a great success thus far. My body now craves for fruits vegetables and home cooked food. It's strange. I've always been a carnivorous. I don't want to be a walking bamboo; i just want a leaner overall. Don't talk bout exercise. I know that's the way to go but i've really got no motivation to start running anymore. I'm so drained after work, and on my off days i just want to vegetate, sip coffee, fix myself lunch/dinner and study abit.

This weekend, i hope to get a (read: ONE) dress for two wedding occasions on 21st and 22nd of March. Any sponsors?

The haze is contributing to my insomnia. I'm coughing away but refuse to switch on the air conditioner, until i feel asthmatic. It's so costly!
I can get angry when i sleep with my mei. She takes away the flatter pillow and bolster, spreads her limbs so far and wide i feel i might just fall off the 2.6k bed i bought with my hard earned money.
In these times of changing human sleep patterns, i demand 2 queen sized beds joined together in my matrimonial flat. I need my space!

Almost 3am and i'm starting to feel tired, finally. I hear the shutters from the market right below my humble abode. They are doing washing and preparing my brunch. Soon it'll be (late) morning.
Good Morning Sunshine.

None of anyone's business

To: Friends of my bro's childhood, and thereby my acquaintances.

I am not comfortable having you (all) in my home. You stare at me when i walk around with freshly baked bah kua, clad in my torn and tattered npcc t shirt and boxer shorts. Nevermind that. I pee in fear that you might break through the doors. Nevermind that. Sometimes, you watch videos, play games and laugh out loud when i'm trying to study. Nevermind that. You are not in school nor in the workforce; it's none of my business but please don't drag my dear brother into this. We're not well to do and have our mouths to feed. If you'd just go away and leave him bored, he might find a job.
All of you should start doing something constructive.
I'm so disgusted. With you. (all).

Enneagram

Hi aww! Just read your blog and did the test on http://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test.php!

I'm an..
Enneagram Type 3 - The Achiever (wing 2)

Focused on the presentation of success, to attain validation

People of this personality type need to be validated in order to feel worthy; they pursue success and want to be admired. They are frequently hard working, competetive and are highly focused in the pursuit of their goals, whether their goal is to be the most successful salesman in the company or the "sexiest" woman in their social circle. They are often "self-made" and usually find some area in which they can excel and thus find the external approbation which they so desperately need. Threes are socially competent, often extroverted, and sometimes charismatic. They know how to present themselves, are self-confident, practical, and driven. Threes have a lot of energy and often seem to embody a kind of zest for life that others find contagious. They are good networkers who know how to rise through the ranks. But, while Threes do tend to succeed in whatever realm they focus their energies, they are often secretly afraid of being or becoming "losers."

Threes can sometimes find intimacy difficult. Their need to be validated for their image often hides a deep sense of shame about who they really are, a shame they unconsciously fear will be unmasked if another gets too close. Threes are often generous and likable, but are difficult to really know. When unhealthy, their narcissism takes an ugly turn and they can become cold blooded and ruthless in the pursuit of their goals.

Because it is central to the type Three fixation to require external validation, Threes often, consciously and unconsciously, attempt to embody the image of success that is promoted by their culture. Threes get in trouble when they confuse true happiness, which depends on inner states, with the image of happiness which society has promoted. If a Three has a "good" job and an "attractive" mate, she might be willing, through an act of self-deception which is also self-betrayal, to ignore the inner promptings which tell her that neither her job, nor her mate are fulfilling her deeper needs. Even the most "successful" Threes, who generally appear quite happy, often hide a deeply felt sense of meaninglessness. The attainment of the image never quite satisfies.

Threes can sometimes mistype themselves when they mistake the more superficial features of their personalities as indicators of their type. So, for instance, an intellectual Three might mistype as a Five; a Three who is devoted to her role as mother might think she is a Two; a Three in a leadership position might mistype as an Eight and so on. Regardless of the manifestation however, the core of the type Three fixation is the deep need for external validation.

16 Things About Me Now

1) I've been shedding alot of hair since i straightened them. I hope my hair stops growing so it'll always be straight. Nevermind the length, my ex clinical partner has proven that hair extensions do magic, and they dont come off easily.
2) I prefer reading macro to microeconomics cause the prescribed text follows lecture notes more closely.
3) It's tough to start the study engine going cause there're just too many distractions at home. These distractions have a common characteristic; they are boxes with lots of colours eg: handphone, computer, television. Not to mention my brother who came in to have a chat with me.
4) I don't know if/when i'm getting married. Cause i'm not financially stable, much less attained financial freedom. So please stop asking me.
5) My sister is in sec 4, taking her O levels this year. How time flies.
6) I've been itching for a dental mission trip, or help some old/young folks who are much less fortunate than i am.
7) I don't know why but i like to be involved in many things at one time. No wonder i'm always complaining of a lack of personal 'me' time.
8) I want to be involved in setting up the SgDentalHygieneAssociation/SgOralHealthTherapistAssociation but am afraid to step out and get down to it. Actually, i'm lost as to who to approach in the dental fraternity. After the .gov bizzare in school days, i don't think writing straight to the registry of societies is the right thing to do.
9) I wish everyone could stop plugging in amalgams cause they are so yester-century.
10) I need a compliment every now and then, ideally one a week; they keep me going and let me know that i'm on the right track and can do even better.
11) I'm not going to Bali(with M) anymore cause i've heard of too many bfgf-go-bali-and-eventually-breakup stories.
12) I need more cash. School fees are so high. I haven't gotten a nice blouse since so-long-ago.
13) I've not had a home cooked meal since reunion dinner night.
14) I will miss carmoh calling me in the middle of work. She's leaving for Melb and i'm happy for her. She has done fuglies proud.
15) I'm glad CNY is over; I'll eat beef without feeling guilty, i can study in peace without clangs of cymbals and nian-scaring drum beats. It's not as if we have fifteen days of public holidays right. I've had my fair share of yu.sheng anyway.
16) I'm quite ashamed of my spoken mandarin; the french (ang moh!) family understand me better in chinese. I'm chinese but i grew up eating kan dang.
17) Face it. We are (I am) self centred. 93% of this post is about I Me Myself.