first paper on 26th and i've only complete 2 chapters out of 12. die.

not to mention, i've not touched anything for the other 2 modules.

i'm left with thurs and sat to study..

how now brown cow?

-

I'm getting so frustrated with everyone and everything.

To start off the long chain of frustrations, i'm still angry with myself for going to polytechnic, the rest is history but you know the story.
Cant blame myself thou, we were 16 and had to make such choices. And at that point of time, blame ourselves for being stubborn (for not listening to elders) and wanting an easy way out (we thought we can skip lectures and go for birthday celebration & watch Mean Girls).

I cannot tahan the N. My blood boils! Here i am trying to be as gentle as i can, trying to be as efficient as i can, but on my left, someone have to ruin everything!
And when on earth would i have my hands on building up CL2 CR under LA and RDI?

I got extremely irritated with M when he placed a cold pack on me!

I'm so screwed cause the exams are damn near, and i've not started any revision. The 1st paper, although MCQ only, is 1.5 weeks away. And that leaves me with only 3 days left to study.
So what the heck am i doing here?

Bye.

-

My dream job has always been wanting to be a paramedic. Apart from the adrenaline rush sitting in a speeding ambulance and jumping off helicopters, i've come to the realization that there're too many things happening around us everyday, be it in our everyday lives at home, work, school, and the rest of the Earth. I'm humbled by what Mother Nature can do. My heart goes out to victims of tropical storm Ketsana; the many that're left cold, hungry, homeless and alone.
I'm no great philanthropist but i hope i'll be one day. I hope to travel the world, feed and be in the midst of the hungry, bring a smile to their cold cold hearts and leave this earth knowing my life has been a blessing to others.

-

Hello folks, meet Lola, my new friend who goes around the house with me. Isn't she lovely?

-

Bulk of last week was spent at FDI.
Oh boy, for euros 110,

1) i caught the feverish bug from kel since Day1. On Day2, i felt pukish and left for home midway during the afternoon session. Big hugs to kel for emptying her clear wrigley's plastic case for my puke during the bus ride. Sorry for grossing you out so much that you HAD TO get down at Bugis, HAHAHA.

2) we got lots of freebies from the exhibition hall! toothpastes, toothbrush (so big it can clean granpa's dentures), chewing gum, and a photo of kel, ping and myself with a toothmoose standie!

3) i bought a pair of binocular loupes from Heine at SGD1548. *jaw drops, again*
This is one huge damage (although partially sponsored) that i will never, ever forget. Takes abit of getting used to thou. How i love the macro! I can't describe the feeling of accuracy when using loupes. It sure has proven itself within a day of use. And i have to re-adjust all over again-it's hard to 'feel' what the patient is feeling cause i get so focused looking at teeth and teeth only! (Why can't human beings be immune to pain/sensitivity, and just let me focus on doing my bit on dentistry?!)

4) i reach home feeling very very very tired everyday, thou it's a routine 2.5hours lecture, 2.5hours lunch and another 2.5hours lecture. Could be that i'm no longer used to office hours. Result: I'm way behind preparations for business finance test.
I've only got thursday left for studying.

I've not been feeling tip top of late. I feel very very lethargic, my tummy either aches or get the runs, my head spins, etc. I feel like i need to go for a blood test, just to be on the safe side and make sure everything is fine.

And by the way, we just celebrated our first anniversary, and counting.

God bless you and me.

F. Life.

Why wasn't i born into a filthy rich family, and still have to suffer from allergy sicknesses like asthma, sensitive skin, allergic rhinitis, which lead to incompetent lips, mouth breathing, anterior open bite, etc. Why do i have to see my bank account dwindle since the day i thought i was ready to face the world myself. Why do i have to depend on myself since the day i started work, and even contributed to the household, although for awhile only. Why do i now have to see myself through varsity. Why does she say that if i needed help with school fees i can approach her. Why does she then ask if i'm planning to return her the money. Why does he leave the room, or even worst, the house, with the lights and fan still on. Why does my dear brother, whom i celebrate my 1st birthday with when he was 3, can get about life waking up late, lazing, playing games, giving the occassional tuition to a P6 dyslexic and still own a 2wheeled private vehicle. Why does god wanna fuck around with me so much. For all these im going through, i swear my bank account will make a come back 2 years on.

Melacca

It's the Nation's Birthday and we were comtemplating on what to do. By the time we decided to head up north, heritage-filled hotels were no longer available for booking via the www. Still, we set off at 6am and headed for 2nd Link. Petrol aside, it was pay and pay from Tuas (S$4.60) all the way to Melacca(approx. S$16). Thankfully, we were not stopped by some traffic police for wrongfully-wrong reasons; which include 'tinted windows', 'speeding', 'tempered engine', etc., which'd burn another RM50(S$21).

Our first stop over was at YongPeng's (Exit 242 on NSE2) Pusat Mekanan Mewah where I had the awesomest Bak Kut Teh. Unlike local garlicky/pepperish soups we are used to, the one we had was indescribable. M had wanton mee at RM2.80. Giggles; so cheap! The noodles were damn soft!

Headed back on NSE2; in an attempt to top up the Touch&Go card, we exited at AyerHitam, as instructed by many locals. Apparantly, there's a petrol kiosk near the toll gate that offer top up services-totally wrong. At a T junction, my instincts told m to turn right. Landed at SheII without top-up facility and many locals who look like robbers. Cost of unfamilarity: RM8.

Using my self drawn map (the last thing we want to know is that we're lost), we headed back E2 and continued the ardous drive towards Ayer Keroh Toll (Exit 231). Topped up touch&go at one of the toll gate; forgot where.

Top priority was to get a roof over our heads, so m can take a rest from long hours of driving and we can down more chendol. Chanced upon a budget hotel that quoted us RM60/night.

Instead, we quoted her 40/night. So the very next question i asked m was, 'Jonker street can bargain or not huh?' Haha, cheap thrills lah!

From then, it was eat drive/walk shop eat drive/walk shop!
The mediocres we had were meesua,coffee and lime juice; which could never go wrong.
Famosa chicken rice balls were hard and starchy, maybe cause it's machine made, but their roasted chicken's nice and juicy. Nothing compared to one I've had locally, where the rice balls were soft and fluffy. Famous 88JS's baba laksa and baba rendang chicken was nice and forgettable, but nothing beats our..
Highlight of the trip: Carnation Crab! The carnation sauce was spicy, sour and sweet at the same time.
Oh, chendol. It's the first time i had a bowl of chendol to myself. I tell you, it's so different from the ones we have here. I don't like the smell of local chendol+evaporated milk+coconut milk, much less eat it. But the ones in Melacca, look deceivingly plain and smells darn sweet. Their secret? They rain, not drizzle, gula melaka over crushed ice, and hide loads of red beans, sweet corn, and atap chee (yucks) beneath. Not sure if they add evaporated milk+coconut milk, but it sure was pleasing to my tastebuds! One outlet had its kitchen windows tinted, but i got a picture nonetheless. Teeheehee. And when we were back the next day, the chendol 'chef' cheekily said to m in malayu, 'ah take picture ah huh?'
Haha!

Of cause, we were back in Sg for pledge moment. And had a Sg flag in the car, in case we didnt make it back on time.
Ilovesingapore, lah!

things running through my mind

1) tons of school work to catch up.
2) start stocking up on cold wear.
3) take pictures of tall grasses, old houses, tyre swings, etc.
4) go jogging.
5) m.
6) cJade's utterly disgusting xiaolongbao.
7) adopt a pup, minus hefty grooming, medical & food expenses. promise i'll take doggie for a jog and vaccuum the floor everyday.
8) a wig; just to prove to myself that i'm gonna regret if i chop off my long hair.

loved

m and i recently went through a rough patch. i don't even know what describes the rough patch. quarrel? no. misunderstanding? no. ok let's just say; hiccup-our first major hiccup after 10 intense months, and glad to announce, we're in love more than ever. to close this chapter, m sent a 'love in wonderland' bouquet to my office and promised to get me a pretty hair clip!
to top it all, he's gonna sponsor me a matinee while he sweats it out at pulauubin. $ingDollar was good!

hate

i hate school.
1) i hate the travelling time.
2) i hate paying school fees.
3) i hate the schedule, that changes every semester.
4) i can't plan for travel; simply cause time and $ is tight.
imagine how much more i'd have without having to pay school fees. imagine how much more money i can make if i had the initial capital. fucking hell hate school.

heartfelt.

1) i love you.
2) don't bring hurts from your past relationships into ours. it's not fair for me.
3) each time you bring up previous experiences, my blood boils, without you knowing of cause. even if the gist is to direct at something positive.
4) prove it when you say you trust me. prove it.
5) i feel like i've lost the freedom to make friends.
6) i'm not opening myself to another man. im widening my circle of friends.
7) what's the point of calling up?
8) we're spending time.
9) who do i go home to, whose bed do i sleep on, with whom we share a diary of our shared life?
10) you're not the only one loosing sleep.
11) i'm your kampong girl and i love you, more than ever.
12) you know we are building up albums of great memories.
13) i would take flight and leave the country right now, alone, if only i had the finances.
14) please stop doing this. you know i have suicidal tendencies.

enlightened.

you know; we can go places, enjoy the company of many and simply adore different personalities that come our way.. we can capture beautiful moments and that is all that's left when all is said and done.

-

I've been contemplating, on what to write. I've got alot on my mind, to which i don't really have contingency plans for.
To keep myself "busy", i've hit on the refresh button on my fB account countless times, read some of your blogs for the nth time, searched for a picture of M's present over the internet but to no avail, drank lots of beverages, watched a movie, watered the plants, opened the fridge countless times, and the list goes on. Everything but laying down on bed.
I can't remember when was the last time i felt really happy, when i felt whole. As i write, i'm listening to To Tango Tis Nefelis by Xaris Aleksiou. I hope i do not end up tearing. Well, lets start.

I had a chat over an overpriced cup of coffee this evening with my best friend. To make matters worst, the conversation ended up with me feeling a hint of regret that i left the Board. Maybe i was too rash (to not even stay on for a month more to receive my mid year bonus!)
Contrary to what some have commented, i like my current workplace very much. I do not know how long more i have left, but this place has taught me alot, over and above what i could have learnt in my 3 years in dental school.
I've been visiting some seemingly atas dental clinic websites, and have found none comparable to the advancement in acquired technology. I've never been an information technology geek, but i have to strongly agree that with advancement of science, research, technology and development, a more comprehensive experience can be brought for the patient.
This place has taught me the foundation of practicing in the healthcare industry; ethics. Clinical aspects aside, i'd like to acknowledge the kindness and love the dental assistants have shown to me. Words cannot describe the smile they can put on my face.

Ok what should i write next? I don't know.

Congratulations

Hello,
I'd like to congratulate my best friend, M, on embarking on a journey of new opportunities and responsibilities.
He has served his last day at a major event, together with a great team of countless others, who wishes him well in his new vocation.
Cheers to great success my friend.

-

I do think i lead a highly stressful life, by choice.

Timetable for the next semester at school is out; intensive class from Mon to Thurs for 3 weeks in July, followed by night class on Mon Tues and Thurs in End July and August, and Mon Tues and Sat in September.
Seriously, what the fuck is SIM doing?
What's stressing me out is my work schedule.
Crossing my fingers and hoping all turns out well.

So you see, Months 12 01 06 07 i fret over work and school timetable.
Months 03 05 08 10 i fret over tests/examinations.
That leaves me with 02 04 09 stewing; be it for test/exam preparations.
Thankfully, 11, my birthday month, gives me some breathing space.
To top it all off, the whole time i'll be working; treating patients, reading, watching CE videos, thinking bout ways to bring change and improvement. All in an attempt to keep myself updated with the latest treatment techniques.
Nobody except myself know if I'm giving my best at work.

And then there's school fees to pay for. Sigh.

My dear friends, if you're taking a degree with SIM, i highly advise you to stay on with the Board. At least there's 18+4days leave, school kiao-karholi days. Plus everything is routine, isn't it great?!
Or, make SIM's erratic timetable known to your prospective employer and join a clinic as a part timer.

Kel, thanks for making the trip down last night. Its great to see you and Ric! There wasn't enough bitch time. Else i might break down into tears, whenever i think bout work+school!

Recently, there have been an influx of pediatric patients who had traumatic falls previously. The first was a terror; the parent more so, compared to the kid. Thank god boss was around, he took over.
I felt so incompetent, i teared in the pantry, with a laugh, as i confided in the nurses!
On hindsight, i should have taken an OPG instead of a PA. That'd save me from managing gag tendencies and unnecessary exp.
And i think i have an issue with putting my point across, in a way that is easy to understand. My guess is, i have a serious lack of knowledge on management of traumatic injuries to primary dentition. And when i am not quite sure of cause and effect, i can't present systematically. Content wise, i did tell the parent what boss told. But he was way better in listing them out, and answered their concerns to the point.
Case presentation requires great understanding on subject matter, practice and learning from others.
I still feel very incompetent, but am thankful for guidance that has been offered to me at my workplace.
I need to master taking anterior peri apicals, esp for children, placing rubber dams and building pretty composite restorations!

The other resident doc has gained tremendous respect for her fussy quality of work! I've seen her full case presentation once, and i'm secretly hoping for more chances. good ah she.

Hell Yeah!

-

I think i should learn and be a selfish person. Anyway, they don't appreciate it, so i see no point in doing something for them? I was referring to my brother and my mother.
To cut the long story short, i was at The cr0cs sale. I know these ethylene vinyl acetate footwear spells comfort but is way too pricey at its original retail price. This event has thus made way to my TopPriority list for the weekend.
I got mum 2 pairs of footwear-athens and juneau. She gave the green light (via mms) for this before i made purchase.
When she came back, she commented that she doesn't like it and prefers this design instead.
I got so furious i walked out.
And my brother? He likes the pair i chose for M. No, i'm not making a swop cause M has an identical one! Then he blamed me for making a lousy decision. What fuck? I didn't even have to get anything for him! He said he'll wear it, that's all.

I'm asking for more than a thankyou. I'm asking to be appreciated for 1) making the trip down (and back) to the Far Eastern part of Sg (thank god M sent me there before heading to work) 2) waiting for almost an hour alone in the q. 3) spending my off day squeezing my way around with thousands of people 4) looking out for the Juneau from others who were letting it go cause they have big feet. 5) waiting for another half hour for payment 6) wasting mms.
I'm not going to spend on them anymore. I always got them apparels when i went overseas, or if i see something nice (and reasonably priced) while shopping, but have never, ever, heard a word of thanks.
Or maybe i just don't know what they like. Afterall, we've never been close. What i got them were simple clothes that jack and jill would wear up and down the hill.
Sigh. I spent monies, and i don't feel happy. I should only spend on myself. And maybe my sister.
Oh, she likes the flipflops!
And cause i don't feel appreciated, all i want is my money back. At least i'll feel better, i think.
If this is what life has taught me, too bad if family love turns out like this.

-

Dear all,
i have a love hate relationship with shopping, especially on weekdays-the shop gets too spacious, i feel too comfortable. And another love hate relationship with taking taxis-the erp i have to pay on a weekday noon on an empty road, just to get to town.
I spend spend spend, like there's no tomorrow.
Just the other day, i bought myself a pair of pants and a pink collared shirt. And on the very same day, i took a cab, only consolation being it wasn't midnight yet.
And i thought, that should be it.
Today, i cabbed, again. It was raining.
And i bought myself makeup. The essentials, eye brow pencil and foundation. The foundation was a whopping $14+$58. 14 for an empty case and 58 for foundation with spf15. Yes, M.@.C again. I tried B.br0wn and it my skin peeled worst than a shedding snake. Well, most of the time i was shopping for M, and he's got new shorts for the upcoming dive trip and a little present for a new job!
All these things money can buy. It doesnt make me happy, strange. It breaks my heart when the cashier swipes my card, when i sign on the evil dotted line, when i have to smile and thank the person who assisted in my evil doings.

And food. Oh my. Expensive dining. Too many.
Friday-KennyR0gers. We had a quart chicken each and shared 4 side dishes. Black pepper and herbs on the chicken skin was too good to skip. I ate them all.
Sunday-Shin0bu Dining. Its hard to describe great thick slices of raw fish when chomped.
Monday-CrystaIJadeK!tchen. Simple lunch with friends, $14. goodness gracious.

I love M so much. I never knew i could love and care like this again.
All i know is, Money cant buy M.

Its tuesday, the start of my work week.

I've not been feeling very happy the past few weeks, even after exams were over.
I don't know what can make me happy, worst, i don't know why i'm feeling lousy.
Maybe work hasn't been too positive. I'd love to see change, but in what? There have been changes these few months, and i'm really clueless what's next.
Maybe i haven't put in much effort for the recent examinations.
Maybe i've not listened enough dental talks, maybe i've not been reading enough.
Maybe life is just a routine.

Everyone's going on a holiday. To Europe, to Australia. I'm just looking forward to the dive trip in June. I hope i enjoy myself buckets. Please let no one step on my tail.
I'm becoming a much grouchier person of late.
I miss the old self.

post exam post

Hello everybody, thanks for the patient wait. I've (just) finished my last paper; and that marks the end of my first year in varsity. Yes, how time flies. Soon'd be the end of my 'bond' and some of you would join me in celebrations, while the rest of you have 365more days to go-complain not, you got more ka-ching than us!

Exams are finally over and i wish i could say i did my utmost best. I can't live in denial anymore, thinking that the numerous number of leave i applied were spent fruitfully. Truth is, i slept or idled most of it away, did last minute revisions, tried to cram everything into my puny brain, to no avail. I don't exactly regret my decision to fall into Slumberland-the z spells were too overwhelming. What i've learnt from this semester is to start 'reveision' really early, and keep reading the same thing over and over again for the entire semester. I guess this is what adults call consistent studying. Sighs i don't know what my grades would be. Shouldn't be anything near spectacular, but should be able to scrape through.. Or maybe it won't be that bad? I'll let you know in June. In any case, it's over and there's no way i'm gonna spend $4k repeating the entire semester. So i shall put a full-stop to this post exam hoo ha. . Oh wait. I forgot to mention how dull and lifeless my skin has became due to an excessive intake of caffeine and trans fats, lack of fluids, exfoliation and moisturiser.

Now there're a thousand and one things on my to do list, here're some on priority.
Look for 2 Taurus' present.
Eradicate rubbish, top up tissue box and its misc items from my room.
Meet up with pockets of friends.
Get on the exercise and eat healthy mode.
Start going for dance practices.
Gardening.

Bloom time

I've been wanting to get a pot of plant for my room. Darling decided to take me for dinner, and accompanied me to the nursery. After (walking) many rounds, i decided on a mini-dendrobium housed in the shell of a huge snail. (yeah you're right, i do the weirdest, most random things)



I find staring at this therapeutic.
The next time i feel depressed, please stop me from shopping. Instead, bring me to the nursery.
Its petals are white, but if you look closely enough, there's a hint of pink, purple and a dash of shimmer. No i'm not joking. shimmering under the scrutiny of jovellaru (that's how someone calls me!) and her desk lamp.
I can't wait for the rest of the buds to flower, and a ton of questions regarding what how where when why.

I just keep wondering.. "Like a kid, who never stop feeling and seeing and being excited with great things.."
I don't want to get too engaged in life, running here and there up and down, without stopping to appreciate and marvel the wonders that mother nature has left for us.

Some friends been really lucky underwater! They saw tresher, whale & nurse sharks, pod of (at least 5) dolphins, and one even got engaged! I'm setting high hopes for the trip in june; it might be my one dive trip in 2009. Hoping to see and capture magnificent marine life aside, i hope the food, accomodation and company would all tie in perfecto.

Sis was saying that researchers couldn't count days beyond 2011, as something destructive is gonna happen to the solar system. My simple mind thinks that if motherearth and sun are gonna be affected, we're all gonna d-i-e, die. So if that's gonna happen, i had better love all and live life to the fullest, counting from now.

Awhile back, i was so into coffee flavoured ice-cream. Now, my new love is green tea ice-cream! Not exactly a good way to pile up on anti-oxidants, but definately consuming less sugar is good!

I can't wait to get exams over and done with. I want to clear my bursting closet of undersized shirts and spruce up m's place and replace his fake greens with lil pots of leafy low-maintainence plants!
But i'm far from being prepared for exams. Blame myself for lazing too much, not concentrating enough and starting way too late.
And this hot April? We're all to blame. Wasting, dumping, air-conditioning, etc. Earth hour can only do just that much. Lets bring earth hour into our everyday lives, by going green, use less plastic bags, switch off our electricals when they are not in use and turn off our scientific/financial calculators when we're on the net.

I'm reluctant to turn in, though i'll be having a long day tomorrow (10am-9pm). I can't sleep cause by the time i wake, it's one day closer to exam. I'm gonna try and cover a lil more before hunger pangs and fatigue takeover.

Good night Earthlings.

-

1) i'm so sick of hitting on the 'reset safari' button, cause the !ras website doesn't allow me to re-login after being redirected! All the bull-shit convenience on efiling-wasted 2.5hours of my night and i'm not anywhere near done.

2) i had a whole piece of snow-fish for dinner and feel like puking it all out now. all i want now is a cup of refreshing but teeth eroding lemonade.

3) it's exactly 2 weeks to the start of exams and i've not touched a single module.

4) i'm so sick of treating patients. all they do is make a hell lot of noise to the poor receptionist. parents who keep thinking filling has dropped. they think it's damn fucking easy to treat a 3year old who has spikes on the butt and an inquisitive tongue. worst, fine if you don't want to take the xray, but don't question me if there's really nothing wrong with the tooth. what fuck. i didn't pay nuts for school fees so stop coming for un-neccessaries. and many others; don't complain of pain/sensitivity when you declined local anaesthesia. okay.

5) thoughts of adopting a dog (puppy to be exact) has been on my mind for several weeks now. buying one is definitely out of the question. there're so many 4-legged(s) waiting for a new home. but i look at my schedule and my moo-lah; sighs. better not let another suffer with me.

6) on a more positive note, theboyfriend and i spent some time last evening stuffing our faces with japanese desserts at newly revamped sembawangshoppingcentre. after dinner, we headed to ministryoffood for a sinful concoction of 1) green-tea gelato and rice dumplings drowning in a shallow bowl of utterly sweet red bean paste, and 2) warm inside, crisp outside mochi surrounded by peanut 'shavings' (this time of the night is making me stupid and lost for words) and red bean paste. Of which i totally said yucks to the latter and mypoorboy had to finish up this over-rated dish. oh did i forget to mention-a whole cup of hazelnut ice blended all to myself right before dinner time. teeheehee.

7) i wish life was full of rainbows, butterflies, cupcakes, posies, ribbons, balloons and all things happy. we go to work cause we're bored stiff at home. we take long walks with our loved ones, and go for runs with a dog, dive and travel around the world. fine. if i still feel goddamnlousy when i wake tomorrow, i'll get myself some flowers.
ok maybe i should go easy on the pocket. just one sunflower. or a bunch of roses, maybe 7. we'll see.

wouldn't it be nice.