I miss \/\/eisheng's parents, occassionally. But i feel too ashamed to drop by for a visit. Im no longer on talking terms with their son, and i dont think i deserve their welcome.
We spent a good 4 years together; and i cant recall much of it.
Was there love, i began to question myself. Or is it just me; i forget memories too easily. Rather, how can we define love?
Maybe he'll reappear during the last few moments of my flashbacks when i pass on- well, who knows.
I wish i can thank him for the good 4 years we spent together, going to places, trying out new stuff, etc.
I wish he'd know that there was no cheating; we were pure, but somehow it died. Or maybe i changed. Maybe we changed. Maybe either of us couldn't adapt to the change.
I wish i can thank him for helping me during my O level days-he changed my destiny.
On social networking accounts, i still see the same person i used to cherish and love. The guitar, the thick eyebrows, the metrosexual fashion sense, the wide smile. The difference is, that smile is no longer gonna be at me, for me. Tunes from the guit are no longer gonna ring for me.
Its been more than a year since we broke up; let all these be bygones.
I hope he finds someone who loves him for the person he really is; and not because of his future prospects. He is a family man, an exceptional gentleman; albeit a little hot tempered.
I hope Aunty and Uncle are doing better than never, enjoying their pre/retirement years in blessed health and joy.
On my side, i dated a variety of men after the break up and i'm not ashamed i did. Only after, did i know what's good for me, who are the decepticons, who left me in the lurch, what it felt like to not be myself, how superficial it was to dress up all prim and proper just for a drink in town, etc.
Things are changing for me, too fast. But im ready to embrace this change.
Its funny how times flies, how i finally broke my bond for another experience, how i am committed to a man now, how i can finally accept the idea of living with another being i've not seen the past 21 years of my life. Sometimes i question myself, how did i make it thus far, what did i do to deserve all these.
But i guess its just how life has its way of working things out, even in the dimmest moments. Its just about holding on until the sun shines again.
Now i see my rainbow.
4 comments:
Yes, I miss weisheng too, seeing him with you. Thinking back, he IS a very good man. I can still visualise his smile.
In reverie... Maybe u changed, he couldnt keep up with u. It's scary when a human changes. For the good, or bad. Like how I cannot imagine saying I love R so much so much, and snap, I change e next moment; and I no longer love him. Sounds pretty scary. But that's what the world is about. U dont like to stay stagnant.
Could u have been better staying status quo? Do I prefer the old Princess Ruth? (part of me does) hurhur. Time will tell.
Make the best of life, cherish what u have now. =)
who else?
K
everything happens for a reason. when one door closes, another opens. It's up to us to choose if we want to open the new door; or keep looking back at the door that has been closed already.
Like the dead, we only remember the good of them.
So you thought back, and so did i. I only remember the good.
But i'll never forget the feeling when he lost his temper. People forget incidents. but not feelings.
Yes, i changed a great deal, during our last months, even after i left him, i metamorphed.
Maybe thats the reason for my Gecko tatt-a symbol of change deep within.
I dont think the jovelle now will be better off as princess Ruth. Yes, she was a kind innocent skinny furball of cheers and love. But she was pushed around by people too, if u remember..
Meet u after my exams ok! PROMISE PROMISE!!
So fking stressed now. screw exams. fuck.
wang shi zhi neng hui wei.
the lizard's gonna follow u. from the past to future. i participate in its metamorphing to. from a small one to a stretched one. HAHA!
let's not talk about all the gossipy past. we'll do it in private -winks-
ezekel
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