Pieces

18 Sept 07
If you're wondering how DD looks like.. Here's a child-like version of him. Gotta be the cutest kid in PPS!


I wouldnt buy another 'she got pregnant cuz the condom gave way' story again! Cause this's how strong rubber is..
You dental commrades got it right.. An XS latex ambidexterous powdered glove containing a M sized surgical gown! Amazing how stretchy it is when handled with care..And how often it tears when we flip it out!

21 Sept 07
An overdue bonding session with Seek, a friend of 7-8 years. Till now, we vividly remember how we met. Shalln't elaborate on that for now. Here's a sneak of that TGIF night.. while having lunch supper at Esplanade's Makan Sutra. Esplanade-Cuz parking is a mere $1.50SGD per entry!!!
Zakir and I headed to ForbiddenCity@ClarkeQuay for a mingle.with.you.mingle.with.me.mingle.with.his.friend. session. Had a glass of enamel-eroding-coke and orange juice!


28 Sept 07
Looking Oh-So-Rosy after a sweat it out session at the gym!

Looking forward to PSLE Marking Day tom yam, phat thai and shopping paradise on 17-20th Oct 07!
Did i forget to mention how i was fu*kedadvised by my $/\/\ for taking leave during school days?! How absurd to attach conditions to what i supposedly AM entitled to!

Zoo, Wakeboard

We're goin' to the zoo, zoo, zoo
How about you, you, you?
You can come too, too, too
We're goin' to the zoo, zoo, zoo.

From left to right clockwise, Yuenhong and his bucally erupted right upper canine, going-bersek-dealing-with-numbers-Jiemei aka Jam, moi, flight-stewardess-to-be Trayc, Officer-to-be Darius, and student Jenwei aka Jelly!

It pays to be a civil servant when balloting allows you and 3 others free enterance to the Singapore Zoological Gardens over the weekends! (Albeit trips to HQ for card collection and return.)
Big hugs to Darius for we travelled around sunny island in the comfort of his MPV, and to JenWei who drove safely!

This trip is a great surprise with unexpected animalistic sex scenes(literally) and calls of the human nature! Lost? Here goes!

Do not expect primates to be scritch-scritch scratchin' and hanging by the long tail all day! They make love too. Doggy style. The sex animal:

And this fellow, who obviously looks the oldest amongst this mission of monkeys, did a 'monkey walk' from afar, sat on the stone, turned its head realy s.l.o.w.l.y. and smiled for the camera. Talk bout humans being camera shy. These creatures are definately not!

How often do you get to see the largest land mammal swing its long trunks and flap its huge ears? Often.
How often do you get to see the largest land mammal poop? Well, we did. The Asian elephant had a ball of shit at its anus-'Stuck'. Little did we know that its rectum was FILLED with faeces. While anticipating the dropping of that visible ball of shit, peristaltic waves were pushing more faeces out of this ivory. In the blink of an eye, the anal sphincters relaxed. It poooooped and gave a satisfying grin to its fellow housemates who were right behind! "eewwww" and we went "hahahaha"

Petered out by an entire day at the zoo, we headed to Ice Kimo, followed by a visit to Darius' quake shaken castle lookalike condo. It was a boring match between Everton and ManU, with ManU scoring 1 after 83mins. Meanwhile, we YouTubed and drooled at JustinTimberlake's dance moves (it was all about his perky ass, really). Followed by a bowling session at OCC, cam whore and a virgin experience driving Darius's Honda Edix!
His six-seater compact MPV is a minivan with a 3+3 seating configuration! A really roooomy and smooooth ride!

The following day's wakeboarding(cable) experience was a total flop. The best had to be these..

1) Jumping off the dock at high(est) speedThe biggest splash wins! Obviously, many of us fell face flat. And never had another go at it.

2) Riding the wake with muscle man;June translates euphoria and security!
And thats a 'one night in beijing' episode.(As much as i feigned ignorance when he flashed his pearlie whites at me countless times the entire day, i was shamelessly smiling in my heart! hiakk hiakk hiakk.)

3) An 8m(i think) jump made it all so worthwhile.
My toes had a good workout gripping the slippery metal framework during the vertical climb. My legs went wobbly when i looked down.. No turning back!! Thank The Above for a horizontal wooden plank! Forward is the only way down..

SPLASH The impact of the jump was so great, my feet touched the bottom of the lake! I thought i felt something round and squishy before making my way up to the surface of the water. The next 30seconds were spent yelling away for my butt cheeks felt like it was splitting. A 2nd go at it for the sake of the video-cam? NO WAY!

4) Awesome company made the day possible.

5) Not forgetting.. Chitty chitty bang bang! And a muscular looking me

Take home for the day:Cuts and bruises from a day full of falls!





With a heavy heart, I now set my sights on the sea. It's been a month, a long time coming, since you turned around to leave. But my journey ahead will be still wrought. Nothing distracts me from the thought of you. Its irony. Dubious as it seems, I dont want you back.
I was wrong, i was right. I was free. So alive. And now im down, you can see. Took a ride on the suicide romance. Dont know where im going yet, but am sure im getting there. No its not easy tonight. I am bound. I wear black.

Random

13th Sept 07 Thursday.
Happy Birthday, darling Carmen. May your special day be great in every way! You deserve only the best. Bliss to Herry and you! Wishing you a wonderful life filled with love, health(and wealth) and happiness! May you always savour life like a bittersweet chocolate, see colourful balloons, taste sweet and pretty cupcakes, and smile at the rainbow after the rain. :)
Just remember. If you need me, call and I'll be there. No matter where we are, you'll still be in my heart. XoxO. Carmen, Ruth loves you.

Tim: happy birthday larh.

Jon: I'll see you really soon. Remember, siam the fat moma during the BondingBotakSession. Grit your teeth and just chiong larh. :) I'll be there for you, should you need a listening ear while you savour that cuppa kopi. Only 9.30 - 10.30pm right? (Henggg arrrr) :X

Hairspray, Vienna, Haircut

Monday, 10th Sept 07
An opportunity to spend a pleasant two hours in an air-conditioned auditorium at VivoCity. The film isn't deep(great for monday blues!) but works admirably on its song and dance. Hairspray way exceeded my expectations with its deceptively simple read-between-the-lines jokes. Tracy Weekiat and I couldnt help but let out loud bursts of cackles.

Tuesday, 11th Sept 07
An excursion to Vienna Restaurent!

3 Sisters. Mum Sis and I!



A gesture appeared during the Qing Dynasty when Emperor Qianlong visited South China with civil clothes in secret of the common people. During the visit, the emperor served tea to his officers, but since they were in public they couldn't use the 'koutou' gesture. Hence invented a more discreet gesture of showing respect and subordination. The fingers move up and down continuously, thus, metaphorically depicting repeated bowing, not with heads down to the ground but with fingers to the table.
Today, the gesture says "Thank you for serving me!"
BUT! The same sequence of finger movements on the table express nervousness and impatience in many ang moh countries!


Mum: You know what this(gesture) means?
Us: Dont know. Urm, rabbits hopping away?
Mum: No. Means Thank You.
Me: (Does that gesture with a twit expression and two hands, enthusiastically) What does this mean?
Mum: I dont know.
Me: "Thank you very much"
All: AHAHAHAHAHA. Accompanied with weird glances frm irritated diners.

Mature content, not for circulation.
2 VS 1. Unfair. See, i wasnt wrong when i said i used to suffer from Middle Child Syndrome!


Then again.. Maybe not.


Apparantly, the 7th Lunar Month isnt over..


Chicken Soup for the Stifled Soul..

Ahh smells good..

And here's how mum suggested drinking it..


Wednesday, 12th Sept 07.
My o-so-kiddish-looking new bangs. With love from the neighbourhood salon and their handful of skilled hairdressers from M'sia.
Fugly but pampered.

Stifled

'Stifled' by the caffeine effects of my new favourite drink-Hot Caramel Macchiato-Foamed milk marked with espresso and vanilla, topped with a distinctive caramel pattern. Sweet, buttery and intense!
Stifled heart.
Stifled tears.
Stifled yawns.
Chicken Soup for the Stifled Heart, anyone has to offer?

I lay aghast at the magnitude of our past. Those memories, deeply etched, flood back. Those promises, a good many, now empty.

"Pull the hair back from your eyes
Let the people see your pretty face
You know they like it when you smile (Find a reason to smile)

Try not to focus on yourself
Share that love with someone else
Don't let the bitters bring you down (Down)
Don't let anything bring you down"

Welcome the dawn of another hasteful Sunday at work.

Friday Night Fever!

Congratulations to Nick, for its sunny side up on his side! He's got Uly Company Best Award! And probably is on his way to Officer Command School! Cheers!

And its scrambled eggs here for me with global warming and its effects on man kind! Nursing an episode of sorethroat, runny nose and fever. All on a FRIDAY. May the force of MotherEarth be with you (not).

Still, there's always a reason to say TGIF! Let the following describe my Fri night!



Exposing a 14yr old to loads of crude jokes and pun for a Fri night, we rented from CineNow for only $3! Support the arts!

Jon would be enlisting on 14th Sept 07. Dinner on 8th Sept 07, 7pm at Hog's Breath, CHIJMES. There, he celebrated his 20th birthday too! If you date this lad, the few places he'll take you to is Hog's at CHIJMES for special occassions, Starbucks at Novena/Cecil Street on chill out nights, Prata&BarChorMee at Thomson for supper or XinWangCafe at Kovan for MonopAly. Here's a lil something, just to remind him that i AM a girly girl.

10 Things To Do

1) Say "TGIF" (Thank God Its Friday.)
2) Do something nice for at least 2 collegues.
3) Take the stairs (UP and down) instead of the lift/elevator.
4) Indulge in (dark) chocolate.
5) Plan your finances for the month of September.
6) Drop the TV remote control and pick up The Straits Times.
7) Pamper yourself. Buy/Do something you always wanted, bearing in mind point 5.
8) Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself "I am wonderfully sculpted. With fats here and there just to compliment"
9) Take a look at old photographs and reflect how much you've changed physcially and mentally.
10) Have a good long 10min shower. (I dont know why I said this. Cuz i can never spend 10 in the shower.)

And if you have a special someone..
1) Reminisce the days you birds started dating.
2) Spring a little surprise.
3) Tell him/her why you like/love him/her.
4) Dine at a restaurent.
5) Take a silent walk together, be it down town or the park.
6) Plan and head for a weekend getaway.
7) Do something nice for his/her old folks. Say buy dinner/supper.
8) Send a kinky sms/mms during office hours.
9) Offer a back massage.
10) Make love

Bored Stiff

Its a Thursday and for once, i spell freedom in capital letters. Yet somehow for today, freedom ties with boredom as my collegue is away on course. Minus the clinical setting, it literally is an off day. Shallnt elaborate on the little perks of a civil servant during school holidays. ;) Idle idle in front of the mirror. Only to realise I’ve been super hormonal of late! One big zit just popped up! :(

Idle idle and an illustration of my work station:



And the clinic looks especially spacious because my collegue and i compliment each other! I being the leftie has the chairside cabinet and workdesk shifted accordingly and here goes, if you can imagine........ Here's the clinic!




Here a tip-off for my male readers. Inject a good amount of the following in your daily sms/calls[to your GIRLFRIEND(s)] and you'd be pleasingly surprised! I promise. *slurrrrrrps. Substitute dear/darling for..
1) Cookie
2) My lil Yorkshire Pudding
3) Hunny Bunny
4) My dirty lil whore
5) Buttery fluttery saccharine sweetie pie
6) Sugarplum / Plumed sauce
7) Vanilla bonbon
8) Sweetmeat
9) My hourglass Tabasco bottle
10) Sticky pumpkin syrup

Ok this might not work. Maybe.. Im just having a sweet tooth today. :D Cheers.

2 Cents Worth

In my bid for profoundness. Here's my 2 cents worth on what everyone should know.

What is this elusive thing called love that everyone so desperately needs? Is it about the knight in shining armour who rescues the damsel in distress, rides off on a white horse/pumpkin into the glowing sunset to live happily ever after, with no clouds ever to darken their skies? With a need to burst the huge bubble on your crown, let me bring you back to reality.

Few people realise the importance of CONSTANTLY WORKING on maintaining a relationship. a lack of maintainence = neglect. The inevitable result of neglect is a deteriorating relationship.

Female human species(author inclusive) tend to tip towards emotional things, in activities that maintains a relationship. Say "Lets go to the zoo. Lets yadayada"
Males, on the other hand, do and achieve and think that have done their bit. Eg "I called and sms you already whartttt" Learn that the more you love us, the lovlier we get! Spoil us silly!

The aviation black box is an indestructible data recorder. In a crash, its role is fulfilled as it shows what went wrong to avoid future accidents. In each of us, man woman (and monkeys?), are significant episodes that influences how we think act and behave. Because of these experiences, character change isnt as simple as hitting on the ->Backspace<- button on the keyboard. We need to expunge certain actions / catch phrases that has been conditioned us the good 20 odd years of our lives.
A recent incident dawned on me that greatest emotional pain is inflicted by the ones who are closest to us. So now you know the reason behind that silent turmoil in you, buckets of tears and (however you felt). And the worst thing to do is to remain silent, walk out on him/her, reply with a nod or shoulder shrug. Because as time passes, it really isnt what is said/done, but how that person felt when you did so.

There has been difficult times, emotional pain, periods of anger, rejection,
frustration, emptiness, etc. and those negative adjectives sum a long list. Point is, woes, distress, misery, etc. stem from unrealistic expectations and harmful attitudes from either party.

Slowly, the 2 drift apart. And what once was unity developes into seperate paths. Dont fret if you're in the midst of a turbulance! It can always be improved. Turn the desert into a garden again!

Sometimes, humans overestimate the effort required to sustain a relationship.
It actually is as simple as getting back to the basics, going back to the beginning.

Once, i read about seeing love as a 3 legged animal but i rather see it as a tripod. That difference in analogy aside, the article pointed 3 legs, particularly passion, intimacy and commitment.
Personally define passion as a case of influenza-Haha! Heart palpitates, temperature rises, head spins, quivers at the passing thought of him/her. :X
And you men who got so excited over the word intimacy, it goes beyond sexual (physical) intimacy! (ps: keep THAT intimacy confidential and not put it up for public distribution on the-u-know-where site) As much as THAT plays a big part, it is but a subset. More important is emotional intimacy. Two needs communication and not be emotionally shutdown. Briefly, commitment is a willingness and decision. On which i dont know how to elaborate until the day i reach my destination.

Spend quality and quantity time together. Time is a precious commodity in the rat race of Singapore. Yet if we adopt the 'left-over-time' policy towards our other half, romance wouldnt be part of the equation.

So what was the last straw that broke the camel's back?

And the wedding ring? Its called a Suffering. HAHA. (With love, 98.7FM)

Monies

3rd month into serving my 2year term with the garh-ment.
And its time to address a particular thought that's been at the back of my mind-financial planning. I want to start taking care of the various aspects of my finances. I used to plan (save) alot when i was much younger, when material needs werent in my dictionary. I was hardworking (and still am). The only difference? I've been spending(splurging) alot more on "necessacities"

Many of us do not spend time planning our finances. (Side track. And to Joyce, this IS for you! Where did ALL your cash go to!? :) Anyhows, I MISS BEING YOUR CLINICAL PARTNER. As much as i 'reprimand' you........... I'll spare others the mush i wanna tell you! :P) "Financial planning is an activity the importance of which cannot be understated." Unfortunately, i myself do not spend much time planning my finances.. even though it is a relatively simple activity.

Merci!

Ironically, the weekends attrit me. I cant help but those weekends with you keep flashing back.

I dont say TGIF anymore. Until i find a reason to do so. Life has been back to normal. I do what i do before i met you. But it just isnt the same anymore. Until the day i find another who can show me the way back into love, everyday's a routine. But i'm really grateful to The Above for friends who have stood by me. Seen me fall. (And will see me at my peak AGAIN) I wish you'd stop avoiding me like plague and start treating me like a normal friend. Simply because i do not deserve this treatment. And because im not talking to you because i need/miss you, but because i've straightened out my thoughts and wish to simply care for you, as a friend-need i emphasize.

How much was real. So much to question.

And because its SEPTEMBER.. I'd like to start on a HAPPY NOTE! :D

Thanking all of you (once again). :)

Carrie, thanks for dedicating an entire post to me! And for the sake of you, who's having huge question marks all over your crown, lettme enlighten you. Here's what she wrote in her journal:

dear friend,
i feel upset for you. i don't know how you feel, because no one knows, except for you yourself. never have i see you so committed in a relationship, probably cause it's only 3 years+ knowing u and this is only the 2nd bf i've seen you with. i believe this is not a bus stop for you, else you wouldn't grieve over it. i can see, you are trying to be strong, cried when the lights dimmed, sleep late and waking early for work the next day.
if you need a shoulder to lean on, i'm just an msn away. if you cant find me online from mon-fri 8-5.3pm, you can give me a buzz on my singtel phone.
babe, though you ain't the most attractive one, nor the hottest one among fuglies, you're still the most capable one for being a thrifty wife. everything will come to an end, good thing will come to a good end :)

AND MY SAY IS: Thou im not the most attractive, nor the hottest. I attract the most number of men. I'll not bold my previous sentence because everyone KNOWS it. And AI(i) work the MOST(Read: most self reliant). And gone through much much MORE than ALL OF YOU. Muaaahahaha. Im the 2nd youngest but mentally, I AM your big sister. :P

Kellylogy: Im so envious of Richard and you, larh!! I stand strong in defending for you against your mum & aunt! Those morning messages we drop each other is really encouraging. They come even on weekends! I TOTALLY DIG YOU LARH.

Clara Kwek, for dropping your 'How're you coping' here and there. You're really pretty, even with screwed fringe. Loves!

BJ. No. B&J (Ben & Jerry's? NO! Bobby and Jonathan!) for this silly vid! BIG HUGS! B: Thanks for being the DJ. FYI, i love songs that start with acoustics and have clear meaningful lyrics! J: Never knew classmates would come thus far. Appreciative(but not thankful) of your harsh words during that difficult time. Haha!

AO for those calorie injection late nights! Lets MonopAly again pretty soon!

Tracy and that lovely pinkish Ben&Jerry's cake! Photo available here, And those nights at Starbucks, minus the 2nd hand smoke. :P

Marc and his oh so encouraging words of affirmation! You know what we shared and share. We went thru the same shit. And we're turkeys emerging to eagles!

DearDaniel: (who's never gonna chance upon this blog, for i dunnoe-what-reason) You're like a big brother! We're like switches. On off closeness. Those caffeine filled plus DVD nights never fail to add more wrinkles(Crow's feet & Nasolabial folds)! You heard my aspirations, frowned at my indecisive and lost thoughts, eventually see how i break down my end goal into smaller steps. I hope we'll live to see my dreams evolve! Its a great and shameless pleasure getting to know you! My advice to you: Stop Piracy! Support the arts!

JR: Xie Xie Ni De Card & Lil Gift! Gimme sometime to take the photo of that monochrome thing. :) And add more .. sentimental stuff here

Carmen, who has gone thru this shit when we were in Year1. The difference: I didnt clench and hurt my fists against the rough treated concrete wall. I love myself too much to bleed for someone. (Yeah, it did bleed) Although we have different perspectives, i know the end result will be similar. That like you, i'll be able to see dawn break into a magnificant orange sunrise again! :) Kudos to our friendship! And that Potpourri dress. :P Cheap sale lehhhh. Lol.

Cady: Boss. I extend my gratitude for your attendance at the overdue bonding session on Wed. "Gam Sia Le Kour Wa Bin. Wa Jin Hua Hie."

Chris and your life (s)experiences! The last i saw of you were those few days in Aussie, dating all the way back to June 2005! Lets carry on this virtual talk and meet up real soon when you're back home from the US! If i visit NY, house me, be a good guest and you'll be HANDSOMELY rewarded! Thanks for showing me the crazy and serious side of a 26year old bachelor! FYI, Bachelor of Engineering(Sg, NTU) and Masters in Business(US). Thanks to you, my 2008 goal card just got longer: OpenWater Certification! Soon enough, these underwater colours would no longer be part of another desktop display nor something seen only in documentaries, but an experience i'd never forget. :)

LOL,my coffeemate (not creamer u dumbnut), my 'kai ma', my workplace mentor, my confidante! Thanks for showing me the ropes! And your support in my passion for paperchase. Couldnt emphasize how grateful i am for your 'grace'. I know im a big fat slacker at work (using msn, reading mails, checking out websites, and you know how long the list goes) but acting as if you see only ValueMail and IDEAS icons. Couldnt bear the thought of leaving PPS and you! Would never forget how we laugh ourselves silly over the tiniest pun. Thanks for being so open, sharing with each other bout our personal lives and the fking(the word's flaking. Whatever u my reader is thinking. -.-) stock market.

Not forgetting my family.. Who have to put up with my crazy screamy singing. It happens when im at my extremes.

Sa Lang Hae Yo!

Burn

Light peeks through her gloomy nights. And she found the lyrics to a song that best fits him(at least fer abit)! Presenting to you the oh-so-passé Usher-Burn.

I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to
Let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time comin
But we done been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

[Chorus]
When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We know it is through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
Now all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my booo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-'leven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me
that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down
and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me
that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return

Hail Ruth!

Saturday and clear skies.
I know you'd be pleasingly surprised/puzzled/relieved.

And so the stubborn woman pressed in, and the clouds cleared as they said the things they always needed to say. Here's the conclusion.

Her downfall was obsession. She realised, after they wound up. But it was too late to turn tables. She missed the signs he dropped. And he could take it no longer. Imagine the guilt he felt when she had sleepless nights and cried to sleep. This marks the end of the chapter. He did the best that he knew how, by calling or sms-ing her during his free time. We eroded. We lost to national service, somehow.
She's glad to know that he gave her more time to realise. Had it been any other girl, he'd have given up the moment obsession started.
He fell head over heels with the once independant strong woman, who now is striving to be herself again.
As harsh as the entire conversation sounded, it is because he dont like to keep nor drag things.
He is now a happier person, having time for himself, family, friends and the digital space, focusing on his army career. He is unsure but hopes to hang out like we did long long ago. It didnt hurt much when we wound, but felt relieved-he was too tired of this relationshit. He didnt think of the happy moments we had, but will definately remember them. He is strong and dont give in to weaknesses of the heart.
He wants her to get on with life, and go back to what she was before-'the strong independent mature woman'.

Initially, she was looking for an instant turn back. But after much evaluation, she knew that somehow, she has to let go. As hurt as she may be, she will someday overcome and be strong again. She'll learn to value herself. He's the sweetest thing she's ever met, and will always remember him.
She thanks him for appearing in her life. Because feelings ignited, they shared a good few months. She's grateful everything happened cause he was able to make her feel so loved, because she never knew she had the ability to love someone so deep.
There were many things they did that would provide her with the memories to truely believe they did share something. Their romance has to be described as whirlwind. She'll still miss him fer abit. Dont worry, she'll get over it in awhile. As for now, he's agreed to bear with (ignore?) her friendly sms-es that would come more than once in awhile-really just to check out how he's doing in god forsaken land.

On a lighter note, here's the last part of their convo.
She says:
WHAT DID U DO TO OUR BEAUTIFUL PHOTOGRAPH. Use and put paint? Haha ((insider's info))
He/ says: (4:39:29 PM)
nope. its still there
She says: (4:39:56 PM)
Take down la. But must keep! And show the next lucky girl how pretty ur ex gf is.

Now the pain sets in, occasionally. But she doesn't cry anymore. And has decided to put this painful past behind-Throw it away, forget yesterday. Sunshine peeks through! And she'll wear that beautiful genuine smile once again.

Diagnosis

From a medical doctor's humble point of view:
Everyone dreams when they sleep. But a recurrent and unhappy one is caused by a sudden change of event(s), or a conflict situation, coupled with the chronic lack of sleep. And because the patient is trying to overcome, his subconcious and concious mind works to (i forget what). You might be suffering from a minor post traumatic stress disorder, which is often characterized by bad dreams.

Reminisce

She thanks her friends for their care and concern in the form of smses and company that flooded her. Trucks of hugs and kisses. :) Esp to kellylogical, who was with her through her thick and thin. :I love you babe:

And Tracy, who works at Ben&Jerry's made me cake! Let the picture speak for itself!

Although she has been weeping to sleep, waking up at night thinking her phone rang, thinking bout him throughout the day, waiting aimlessly for his sms, she'd be fine. Because she once told him "That which doesnt kill you makes you stronger". And she'll live to practice that. She'd be keeping a lookout for the rainbow of their salvation. Yet she's stuck in an ironic situation-to really let it go.

And she's honoured to be the one who brought him back into love. (Hopefully another vomit episode doesnt begin!)

She wants him to remember aught that took place these months.

He got her attention easily, but took a long long time for the status change. When they were dating, he surprised her with a GG5 babydoll blouse she fancied. On his trip to Thailand, he bought her a tShirt. He successfully persuaded her into having kids after marriage. He drove her around without complaining. He assured and encouraged her when she drove. He taught her mah jong. His hugs and kisses were the warmest. He patiently taught her how to play the guitar-and the first song she learnt was Collide. He held her hands when they crossed the road. Recently, he gave her a peck at every red light. He squeezed toothpaste for her. He bought his dental hygienist/therapist Cherry Push Pops. He loves creamy pasta-Urm not sure bout whipped cream on.............. He tease her and calls her a 'xiao qi gui'. His heart ached whenever she winced. He promised to sponge and feed her if she is running a fever. He brought her out of the hustle bustle, sat on dewy grass to be beneath a black velvet sky and star gazed. He sent her honey coated smses. He hates it when she wants to give him an oral examination. He likes her bangs parted to the side. He associates her with the song Ju Hua Tai.

Without music background, she learnt RobbieWilliam's-She's The One on guitar while he was away in Thailand. She made him mint cookies with love. She watched the fire and made him soup. She nagged at him to always plan plan and plan. She accompanied him for LASIK. She taught him how to brush using the bass technique. She noticed his nighttime grinding habits and urged him to get a MCI nightguard, and his unerupted lower second premolars, to consider implantology in future. She was observant and took care of his needs. She loves having breakfast and talking over coffee. Once, after a bad quarrel the previous night, she sent breakfast to his place at 6.30am before making her way to work. She had her virgin clubbing experience. She meticulously pincered out his moustache-say Ouch! She cooked him lunch. She loves the pasta served at Sembawang Hill Food Court. She loved Sam. She prepared vitamin C pills and medication before he enlisted for national service. She gave him his freedom, freetime for family and friends. She melts whenever he hugged her from the back. She prints him memorable photographs. She gives him a massage almost everytime they meet. She loves reading the newspapers at the dining table in the morning. She'll never forget how his fingers ran through his hair. She listens to Dapapepe and it reminds her of him.

They sang a duet-Way Back Into Love. They went jogging early in the morning and had a good breakfast after. They slept over in the arms of one another. They have met each other's folks. They had chicken rice on their first date. They once went on an expensive date(>$80!). They watched rented legal DVD's together-the most memorable was Blood Diamond-it all started. They love hanging out with R&K and the other boys. They slow danced, tickled and wrestled in his room-she'd end up pleading for mercy! They look each other into the eyes and hugged. They'd set an earlier wake up time-so they'd have time for a good snuggle. They had fond memories.

So you tell her, what went wrong?
She has been left hanging for the past week. So is this being fair to her? Food for thought.

I've been having nightmares. On Tues, i dreamt it was the beginning of a recession, and i fell into poverty-it was scary. Every other night, i'd see scenes of green and black fields, with dead or the dying scattered here and there.
And i also find myself piling on perfume, subconciously.
Interpret my dream!

Signing Off

From Him To Her
We've been together for quite awhile already and we've been through a couple of rough patches. I dont want to hurt you anymore and neither do I want to continue lying to you or myself. You've been a great girlfriend and yes i do admit we did have lots of great memories. It's just that i find that things didnt work out for the both of us, at least not what i thought it would be. I've been a selfish guy all along, but i hope you'll understand. Maybe it would be better if the both of us parted ways, i do not want to hurt you any longer. You dont see it. But you've changed alot since we began. I think its unhealthy the way we are.

From Her To Him
I disagree but i've no choice. These 3 mths is like a rollercoaster trail. I've enjoyed the ride and am proud to say i did my best. You've been a really good companion. As much as i hate to see you go, i know you can take it no longer. It'll take me awhile to get over us. Because i do love you. I'll let you go, but i cherish the meeting of two persons. I do hope we'll remain as special friends. You can call me if you need someone to talk to, someone to discuss matters with. One last hug, Ham.

From Her To His Folks
Aunty Michelle, you taught me how i was able to sow into the lives of these little children, not merely rendering them dentally fit, but telling them the importance of personal hygiene and carrying themselves well. When i started work, I pointed out dirty shoes and unpressed uniform, unkempt hairdo. And guess what i hate most? Students who drag their feet! And oh, did i forget to mention how gorgeous u looked when u had your tresses in bouncy curls?
Major Chan, thanks for your smiles, they were so welcoming.
Sab, the last i remember of you: Singing! And actually, Oolong tea isnt as bad as it looks. Still, green tea gets my vote.
Tina displayed the essence of being a princess. You go girl! All the best in your O levels!
On the overall, thank you for showing me a complete family and how submissive, yet independant, a wife should be. It also showed me how it is possible to remain loving even after >2 decades of marriage.
And to Sam, the dog trapped in a cat's body, you've been such a dear. You saw other felines go, the last was Froddo, must have been heart breaking, isnt it. That rascal was special in his own lil way.

Her Stand When She Felt Toothy
This breakup is like tooth extraction. It leaves a socket of emptyness, but best if exo in toto, lest infection occurs. Haemostasis not achieved yet, but will bite on a gauze and move on. Who knows what happens in the future. Post op instructions clear cut, no running away, dont chew on it. Body healing will occur, and hopefully, another successor erupts. Or place an implant if conditions prove favourable. Unlike other breakups-which likens to attrition, slowly wears you down and leave you with nothing.

Her (Ir)rational Thoughts
Who's to say where the winds will take us to, from the status change of a date to a girlfriend. Now, who's to say what it is will break us. Even though the moment passed me by, i still can't turn away from those dreams i never thought i'd lose. I vividly remember all we've discussed and compromised about, from marriage rituals to the family to the kid and entertaining your guests as a clinician you'd be proud of. We broke down way too fast, these reruns become our history. I've acknowledged but have yet to accept this fact. Part of me hallucinates us being back together again-I couldnt fight it. Deep inside me i feel like im withering. I plead with you to surrender. Living without you, my days have been and would be oh so forlorn. If you give me a chance to try again, pick me up from the desolates, throw your arms around me and protect me.
I guess the independant woman you once loved has given way to obsession. Im sorry. But if you ever return for a 2nd chance, i promise to be as translucent as you like it to be. Because i've come to the realisation that you are a family person and needs personal time for yourself and that colour box in the living room.

"I wish I can tell you that I'm feeling better everyday
that I didn't hurt when you walked away
but to tell you the truth I can't find my way
That deep inside me I feel like I'm dying"

I still feel you hugging me to bed. No one has ever given me this sense of security. I dont want just anyone to hold. I lie my night away thinking of the past we once shared-happy memories. Moments before i drift into dreamland, i recall those stay over nights. It seemed so near yet so far away. Emotional fatigue takes over and pretty soon, dawn breaks, drawing me closer to another day i might see you.
I wonder if you've taken our picture down, if you think of me despite an entire day of physical activities, if you ever teared for me, how different it'd be should you come back. I hope you tear at the sight of our picture because it sends a heartache, and that you thought of me, even for a few seconds before bed, and dream bout our ideal future that is to come once we sort things out.
I tell myself, our beautiful past and departure must be hard and painful on you too, cause even beasts would think bout the good o days. And that you still have positive feelings bout us and for me, for we didnt part cause either of us cheated. These are the only consolation i live with. Knowing that, my hope dangles on a string till the day someone else tugs at your heartstrings.
And the cycle repeats, waking up hoping for an SMS, wanting me back. I know that is but false hope. Yet i dont know how to be strong, so i'll just hang on. Come back home, stay with me. I know its not too late. Lets walk down this rocky path.

I can go on and on writing bout our past and my broken heart. But i shall stop because the pain is too intense. And i wonder even more when i recall what i've done for you, for us.

Before you or someone else pick up my heart shards, I shall learn to breathe on my own.

I do love y.o.u.

Blind-Life house.
I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless
As you turn around to leave
And still I have the pain I have to carry
A past so deep
That even you could not bury if you tried

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it

That I loved you more
Then you will ever know
And part of me died
When I let you go

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything
Would be like it was before
But nights like this
It seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

Dried tears

I dont know why i got so attached. I realise im not your match. Every moment needs to be snatched. Im bout to snap in this shape.

Give me a chance. And i'll turn back time. To retrieve my fantasies. I've forgotten how it used to be.

I rougly recall seeing heaven in your eyes. Your grey sly eyes, turned full upon me, how its wavelets had me drowned.

Come back home, mi corazon.

It seems no matter what I do, would rescue me back to you. Tell Gary Chapman there's a 6th love language, cause none of the 5 works.

I'm so scared of losing you. I really don't know what to do. Can't bear the thought of being apart.

Come back home, mi corazon.

Touch

Because im better at expressing love through hugs than to put it into words.
That hug was a loud burst of emotions.
It says "I love you so, and i hate to see you go."
I dont know what crossed your mind as i clung on tightly to you.
Were you nicely trying to push me away? Or cherishing that moment of silence and bond between our hearts?
I dont want to know.
All you need to know is that millions and millions of years would still not give me enough time to describe that tiny instant of eternity and bliss when my cheeks rest on your chest, when i felt your faint heartbeat, when i amourously encircled my arms around you.
How i wish for it to last forever.
Then came your crushing embrace- i broke down, silently.
Because i dont want to burden you, even more.
Would that be the last time, i questioned myself in fear.
Would you cry, if you saw me crying.
As we part with a peck, i look forward to the next simple hug.
I want you to know that it really wasnt easy to part.
Every thought of that embrace sends a well of tears.
And now, as i close my eyes, that memory really warms my heart.
Am i in too deep?
Have i lost my mind?

Because i say i love you so.
Because i say i need you so.
I want to be in your arms, where you hold me tight and never let me go.
Because you say there is but four more weeks to go.
I never want to forget how your fingers ran through my hair.
Because they say there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Because they say there's a rainbow after the rain.

In these difficult times, i want you to know that i want and will give you my full support.
Hold on, if you feel like letting go.
Hold on, it gets better than you know.
'Yeah it bleeds just to know you're alive"
This pain you cannot bear.
I will always be there.

Couple of Random Thoughts

Mucus soaked a piece of tissue rolled to resemble cotton rolls(or tampons).
The viscous body fluid was on my mask. Some gathered and headed for the face shield.
Nuff said.

Nursing a couple of rhinitis episodes these days gave me a vivid realization of the caducity of life. When you're up and about, the comfort of being in the pink of health? Transparent.

And i do not understand how people take things for granted. Get this right, my avids, YOU are in control. YOU make change, YOU make the difference. In all you do, put in your BEST effort. Lest anything falls apart one day, you'll have no regrets. Spring a lil surprise, buy a cuppa coffee for your collegue today! A little goes a long way. Why buy flowers for the dead when the living can smell 'em?



Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone

I say somedays I feel like shit
Somedays I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit
I quite understand why you have to always be gone
I get along but your trips always feel so long
And I find myself trying to stay by the phone
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
But I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call
And when I pick up I don't have much to say, so

I want you to know its a little f* up that
I'm stuck here waiting, not debating
That I've had it with you and your career

You know, the place where we used to meet
Used to mahjong with Coke for abit
Used to have a little party
with prata by the pile but now
you only stop by every once in a while
Shit
I find myself just filling my time
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind
I'm doing fine and I'm plannin' to keep it that way
You can call me if you find that you have something to say

I want you to know its a little f* up that
I'm stuck here waiting, no longer debatin'
Tired of sulking and pouting' and making these excuses
For why you're not around, and feeling sorta helpless
It seems that one thing has been true all along
You don't really know what you've got till its gone
I guess I've had it with you and your career
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it

Where'd you go?
I miss you so
Seems like its been forever that you've been gone
Please Come back home