Hope

I happened to be doing some paparazzi work on a social networking site, Fbk, when i chanced upon cws's photos. He's still wearing the watch i gave him years back. I hope he graduates with good grades and secure a job in this economic slowdown. I'm not regretting my decision of having to part ways, but i have this thought that lingers at the back of my mind. How can 2 persons who used to be so close eventually turn strangers? I don't want this to happen anymore. Else i'd be so afraid to love again.

Anyway.

My fever came again on Thurs night, literally burning my weekend away again. Decided to consult a doctor for medication a little stronger than Panad0l. I have to be well enough for work.

My semester results are out. I got a High Distinction for Statistics and Credit for Commercial Law. Had crossed my fingers and hoped for a distinction in Law, cause i need a good GPA at the end of it all. But i guess language papers access one's ability to fully understand a concept, pick out pointers and debate from various points of view. They're not out to fail you, but out to reward students with better reasoning, and that i lack.

Come Jan 2009, I have classes on Mon-Thurs for 3 weeks, but would have to skip alot of lessons due to work commitment. I feel ashamed to apply for leave every night, as that would mean a significant dip in clinic's takings.
Subsequently, school's on Mon Thurs Fri nights.

I want to graduate with a good grade at the end of these 3 years. And at the same time, i have to juggle between work, family and friends. I dont even dare to state leisure.

From a business point of view, i can understand how my bosses feel about me not being flexible enough with my night sessions. Especially so with this economical climate, less people would apply leave for a dental visit, hence coming in only after office hours. But i really hope we can work something out (every 6months).

Everytime i think of tying work and school, i feel like crying. It's stressful-I'm fearful that i'd be asked to leave. I don't want to burden my parents with expensive varsity fees, let alone take pocket money from them. I like the environment (and people) at work, the clinic's philosophy and all the hype about progressive dental technology. With ever changing timetables every 6 months, I dont know how much value i am to the clinic, so all i can do is be my best at work, implement and set things in place as i deem right, cross my fingers and hope the remaining uni years sail by smoothly.

As for lessons that i'm gonna miss, i'll just have to take triple effort in borrowing books and catch up on whatsoever i miss.
I dont want to fight a battle only to give up half-way, loosing both money and time.

It's not always sunshine on my side. In fact i'm tearing now. It sucks to be sick, teary and very hungry. Only 3 slices of traditional kaya toast this morning, made with lots of love thou.

Maybe i should just give up lah. Work, settle down, and wake up at 30 wondering what im doing with my life. By then, it'll be too late for any remedy, i'll keep working and die an old hag. Well done. Or maybe earth can have a cosmic blackout and wipe us (and cockroaches) out, bring back the dinosaurs and dodo birds.

Fuck.

But don't you worry 'bout me. I've always got a way to encourage myself.

With a song.