Gibberish

I had a very slow day at work, and i barely spoke to anyone. I just wanted to be by myself. I cant imagine going through another day like this; it was horrible. So i started giving my inner self some thought, thoughts that were in the core of my very soul, exposed when i feel lowest, when all the pain and worries are temporarily forgotten during my highs. Why am i not equipped with knowledge vast enough for my profession. Why am i not in a profession i really want to be in. Why am i not receiving education i really wanted. Why did i not sit for a levels. Why did i chose all these for myself?
I felt like giving up my dreams, altogether, when i haven't even tried. Even felt like giving up what i currently am working as. I just want to scrape. I even had suicidal thoughts, maybe homicidal. I felt like doing something simple. Very simple, like administrative work. Even that job has a long spelling, shit. I felt like i needed to do something brainless and with fool proof instructions. I waited for patients, saw them and was thankful the day ended at 8.30pm. I decided to spend some time at home today. Nothing the world can offer beats going home to home cooked food and loved ones. My sis's so funny and welcoming. I've nothing much to do at home. I don't do household chores outside of my bedroom. It's awesome lazing infront of the computer and tearing for nothing. It's therapeutic. Now i don't know what to do to cheer myself up. I'm away from my happy pill, and have to learn to be strong and humor myself.