Life

Awhile before the festive season, i heard of deaths amongst relatives/friends of people i know. Keeping my fingers crossed, i welcomed the new year of the Ox with much happiness and hope, much looking forward to a year of flowers food rainbow and all things good. Still, i hear of people leaving the face of this earth, and hope they are resting peacefully in a mansion at the feet of god awaiting the arrival of their other loved ones, who has yet to walk their journey of life.

Why am i saying these seemingly negative statements in this lunar new year? Cause i want to be thankful for this life i've been given. For the people who have crossed my paths and taught me good/evil things. For the lessons i learnt the hard way. For the needy and less fortunate who have humbled me. For some who have had an impact on my life. *

I was drying my hair a moment ago when i saw my books lying on the desk. I know i'm studying, studying for a degree that i don't even know for what. Maybe it's for personal knowledge, maybe i'll switch lines in future, maybe i'll use it as a stepping stone in the pursuit of my passion; dentistry. Maybe i don't know. Maybe i won't make it through.

Till today, i'm accusing myself for taking the polytechnic route. And occasionally, i ask myself, why wasn't i born into a wholesome family, why didn't i have a silver spoon in my mouth all my life, why didn't i study hard enough to be in an elite junior college, why did i even opt for polytechnic education, why did i choose to break my bond at the expense of bonuses and lesser take home salary, why did i even sign the bond in the first place!
Well, after all is said and done, as the adage goes, 'don't cry over spilt milk'. So what's the next logical step to take? Try my best in school, be my best at work and be hopeful that a better future lies ahead.
Hell no, easier said than done.

Maybe i should resign to fate, resign to being a 'dental nurse' all my life, fix dinner, wash dishes and tuck the kids into bed. Maybe ladyboss was right, things change, and what we want changes as we go along. Maybe the other side of me is right; i go get whatever i want.

*For being able to always pull myself away from my own darkened thoughts and keep myself going.