After work, I wanted to change my life and start working on burning those thick love-handles and thunderous thighs that plague me for a big part of my life. By the time I hit home, the temptation to "i'll do it tomorrow" and while the night away in sendentary activities kicked in. Fatigue got the better of me.
"I feel that many of those skinny girls who whine about being fat are just like me, forever in the 40-something-kg range." was what i bloviated on 9.2.05. No longer holds true.
Whenever I entertain the mere thought of asking someone(s) out, a little voice in my head and the ass hugging black pants would remind me that I am less than worthy of dating the lad of the moment.
As the evening wore on, I stumbled on the biggest revelation of my current life, im so fearful of rejection that i've never given myself half a semblance of a chance to fight for Sunshine. (How bout catching "251" on the first date? If u ever make the 1st move, i'd promise u an evening of banter and laughter.)
And there is this undeniabe slight tugging at my heartstrings when we(obviously not the mentioned abv) text. Maybe Its not that i dont dare to, its more of the fear of being judged.
Cause obviously, they're out of my league.
And those chronic insecurities bout the future stems from my environment; how i was brought up, what i went thru, etc.
The scary thought that crossed my mind was how easy it can be for me to just go with the flow and then wake up suddenly one day at 30 wondering why I have let success slip through the palms of my hands. As discussed at clinics, where's the u-turn in our lives?
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